Doubts About Tomorrow
by undercovergiraffe
Summary: AU following Bellatrix through her 7th year at HW, through the ups and downs and doubts."My whole life there has been a line separating my life from others.Pureblood,mudblood. Rich,poor. Slytherin,Gryffindor. But this year...that line was blurring." SSBL
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Trix here! Just wanted to say that updates will probably come slowly due to an annoying monster called school. But hang in there! Yes, I know that Snape was not the smae year at HW as Bella but I need him for this story so bella is totaly younger than in the books.  
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**Disclaimer FOR THE ENTIRE STORY: I don't own Harry Potter or anything attached to it. *big gasp* Yeah right...**

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I stood looking out at the setting sun, but not really seeing it. There were too many thoughts in my head, each one screaming for attention. My whole life there had been a line seperating my life with others. Pureblood, mudblood. Rich, poor. Dark, light. Slytherin, Gryffindor. Evil, good. Guess which side I was on? But this year.... that line was blurring...

Shaking my head I turned away from the window. Me, Bellatrix Black, having doubts about which side of the war I was on. Yes....no! I don't know what to think anymore. I was to take the Mark this summer, officially joining the Dark Lord's side, and after that my arranged marriage to Rodolphus Lestrange, a rich pureblood of course. He was as interesting as a block of wood. As for the Mark.... I no longer knew my own emotions on the subject.

I'd heard stories from others about what joining _His_ ranks was like. They said it was extremely painful, like the Crucius but focused on one spot on your arm. Some kids from Slytherin tell stories of what their parents are like after they come back from meetings. Broken and bleeding sometimes, sometimes totally unharmed and joyful at the activities of the night. The entire school had heard the rumors of what Death Eaters did to Muggle borns and Bllod Traitors. Most of them were true...

So here I stand, in my seventh year at Hogwarts, feeling confused. An entirely new emotion to me.

"Bella!!" Cissy pounded at the door."Come on already!"

I sighed. Now I had to go make the Black family enterance, something Cissy insisted me and her do at every meal. We would burst open the Great Hall doors, always arriving "fasionably late". I thought it was stupid. But every head would turn our direction and Cissy would bask in the glow of attention while I sneered at some poor first years. Then she would go take her seat by Lucius Malfoy, and I would go sit by Severus Snape, the only person I could have an intelligent conversation with, while Rodolphus tried in vain to get me to pay attention to him.

Oh well, time to face the music. I stalked to the door and exited, coming face to face with Cissy. She looped her arm in mine and we walked regally down to the Great Hall. I quietly pushed open the door, and (as expected) every head turned, minus Severus. He never did understand Cissy's flair for theatrics. Even those pathetic Gryffindors turned.

No one could deny that the Black sisters were beauties. Narcissa was tall, with silvery strait blond hair and light green eyes. She had a slightly curvy figure that made boys stare too long. I on the other hand, was somewhat of an opposite. While I too was tall, I had raven black hair that curled and had waves running through it. My eyes were coal black, and my face had sharp angles. In other words, we looked like supermodels.

I realeased myself from Cissy's grasp and made my way to Slytherin table, eyeing a second year who was seated across from Snape. He quickly scrambled up and I took his spot, sliding gracefuly onto the bench. Severus chuckled softly before resuming his bored look. He was the only guy in school who was immune to Cissy's looks and flirting, annoying her to no end. He might not be from a pureblood family, or be rich ,but he was hot. But while Narcissa talked to him for his looks, I talked with him for his brains. Severus was the only half-blood non-rich person my mother has ever willingly let me be on friendly terms with, but only because everyone knows he'll be joing the Darks Lord's ranks soon.

"Something funny Severus?", I trilled.

"No, nothing at all Bella.", He softly said."Only observing what an interesting year it's going to be." With that said he turned back to his food.

That it was. I was a prefect, due to be married and take the Mark. And I was having doubts. An interesting year it would be.

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**Im not going to beg for reviews but they are helpful. PLEASE give me tips on how to better improve my writing skills! Let me know this wasn't totally horrible.**

**- Bellatrix-Black-Forever**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Here's Chapter 2. Sorry if its a little short its kinda just filler so Chapter 3 can be fabulous! Im working on chap 3 already btw. yeah so.... And in case you hadn't noticed this is an AU fic.**

**Thank you Jacalyn Hyde for reviewing! It brightens my every day. On with Chapter 2!**

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I was sitting in Potions, picking at my fingernails. Slughorn was rambling on about some potion I had probably mastered when I was 7. And people thought advanced potions was hard... Why Slughorn had to take us step by step through potions unstead of just letting us brew them i'll never know. I glanced around the room, studying faces.

On the Slytherin side of the room some kids were listening to Slughorn like their life depended on it. The others were Quietly talking amongst themselves or doodling in their potion books. Lucius Malfoy was randomly scratching his left arm like it was aggitated. Hmmm interesting.... On the Gryffindor side it was pretty much the smae thing with two exceptions. _Potter_ and his gang were trying their very best to annoy Malfoy, no doubt trying to impress Lily Evans, who was looking strait ahead and ignoring everyone. Evans and Potter were constantly Bbickering, so he'd probably pissed her off somehow.

I allowed a small smirk to grace my face for a few seconds, causing Severus beside me to raise an eyebrow. I only shook my head, resuming the bored look on my face. How was this potions if we wren't making them? Hogwarts was so messed up. People are alwyas trying to happy ideas to cheer everyone up, especialy those damn Hufflepuffs.

Even that old fool Dumbledore was trying hard to be overly cheerful, with war just around the corner. War. It was hard to think about. Everyone had chosen sides, even at school. Yet the headmaster had insisted on holding a Halloween Ball, and he'd told me to plan it. Me! He should have asked Cissy, the party queen, or some other person. But no, he said that I was the perfect person for the job, so nI was stuck planning a party.

Just then Severus nudged my arm gently, shaking me from my thoughts. Class had ended. "Thanks", I muttered. I picked up my books, and we walked out the door towars lunch.

"What are you thinking so deeply about, Bella?"

I made a face. "This ridiculous ball Dumbledore's making me plan.", I said sourly. " If he makes me throw a Valentines Day Party too i'm going to kill someone. I haven't got time for this!"

Severus smirked and held open the door to the Great Hall. People's heads turned, as usual. We made our way to Slytherin, tuning everyone else out. Once seated I turned towards Severus."Hey Sev, any idea what's going on in Potions? It's so..." I struggled to find a way to best describe how stupid the class had become.

"So like Slughorn thinks We're a class full of first years?", He finaly supplied. "And don't call me Sev!"

"Right."I replied, ignoring his commet about not calling him Sev.

"I don't know, maybe hes finaly lost it." With that said he turned away. Great conversation, had so much insight. I rolled my eyes. The whole school was crazy. I decidedto just skip lunch, and get to work on the Halloween Ball. If I was lucky I could get Cissy to help me out, meaning she'd do all the real work and I'd take most of the credit. With that in mind, I grabbed an apple and left the Great Hall in search of my sister.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! So heres chapter three. Thank you vlmck02 and Electra de Lioncourt for reviewing. I know ive made strange like Snape looking hot but its kinda important. Onward!**

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I stood in the newly tranformed Great Hall, ignoring the stares I was getting. Unfortunately, Cissy wouldn't help me with Ball, something about her image and scary ghosts. In short, I to acutually do work and plan the whole thing myself. Thanks Dumbles, for telling the head boy he didn't have to help. Like Lupin could attend anyways, the full moon was on the 31st.

Worst kept secret ever.

So here I stand seeing people's surpirsed faces when they enter the Hall. Suddenly Severus is beside me (how does he do that?), wonder on his usually blank face.

"Did you do all this yourself, Bella?" He asked slowly, still looking around the room.

I smirked."Yes" Was it so hard to believe?

I had covered everything in black drapes and cobwebs. The huge windows had old black shutters over them with spiders crawling through the cracks in the window. The ceiling was magicly charmed to let the real night sky shine through, letting the full moon light up most of the room. I asked if some of the more terrifying ghosts could travel the room scaring people. Up where the professers usually sat was a full orchestra playing itself, the hauntingly slow music drifting through the room. The floor was reflective like glass, so it gave the illusion of walking on water.

It wasn't some kiddie party with happy jack-o-lanterns and fun music. It was extremely elegent, and everyone's faces said they were impressed. And I had did everything myslef in about 15 minutes, other than the food and drinks the house elves brought in.

"Impressive..."

"Thank you Sev."

He glared at me before walking away. Around the room fairies, zombies, mummies, princesses, and other random characters danced and conversed. I saw Lily Evans talking to Potter and his gang, I guess they got other whatever fight they had been in. And here I had thought she was smart... for a mudblood that is.

I had always been taught that mudbloods were stupid and didn't deserve to be at Hogwarts. But Evans excelled in Charms and Potions, and she had a nice personality.... Ugg. I sighed and turned back to watching people.

"Wonderful party Bella." Great. Just what I needed, Rodulphos Lestrange begging for my attention, _again. _And nobody calls me Bella except my cloce friends and family. He needed to be taught a lesson. No. I had to be on my best behavior at school. Turning towards him, I put on a fake smile.

"Thank you Rodulphos."

My mother told me to before school started that I had to be nice to him because we were getting married next summer.

"Might I say that you look particulary stunnig this evening." Who talks like that? Not that I didn't look stunning. I was wearing a strapless black gown that hugged my chest and flared out to floor at my waist. I was made from the finest material (of course) and had hand sown embriodary and the front. I just didn't want the compliment from him.

"Thank you." I rolled my eyes and began moving away, but his hand caught my wrist and pulled me back to him.

"May I please have this dance?" He have begged.

"No, I'm sorry." I tried to move away again but he held me firmly agaisnt him. "Please. Just dance with me." The grip on my wrist hurt and I could tell it would leave a bruise.

"Rodulphos, let me go. I have-" Just then Severus appeared at my side. " Already promised this dance to me. I'm sorry, maybe the next one." He didn't sound sorry.

I pulled away from Rodulphos and began to move with Severus to the dance floor. "Thank you." I whispered under my breath. I didn't have to look back to know that Rodulphos was seething in anger, I could practicaly feel it coming from across the room.

He looked at me. "You looked like you'd had enough torture for one night"

I smiled, a genuine smile, as we began to waltz around the Great Hall. I was surprised he'd offered to dance with me at all, he never danced if he could avoid it. We were both talking of trival things, how school was going and the food they had at breakfast, that we didn't notice that everyone else had stopped and was staing openly at us. I finally came to my senses when Cissy entered that hall with Lucius, arriving fasionably late.

"Bella!"

She yanked me away from Severus and proceded to tell me what a wonderful ball this was. People were still staring so I glared at them and they all scattered. When I turned back to Narcissa she was still talking." You know Bella, why don't you throw a Ball at home?! You could do a _much_ better job with more money and more space, but of course you couldn't expect a school like this one to have all that. But our house does I mean with all the house elves and servants, oh, and you could send the guests carriages to take them here! This is going to be so much fun! And of course..."

I zoned her out here, sending a pleading look to Sev to save me again, but he only smirked, shook his head, and walked away.

Rodulphos took his spot happily, trying _again_ to get my attention. For the rest of the evening I got to listen to Cissy talk about the party I was going to throw once we got back to Black Manor and how much better it was going to be then this one. _Fun._


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry its been so long since i updated! All my fault! First my plot bunnies ran away to vactaion somewhere warmer than our freezing tempatures...maybe Hawaii.... Then i had like 3 different school projects due.....yeah...**

**So anyway enough of that! On to our dear Ms. Black... BTW the italics is a flashback**

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How dare he! I was in the Room of Requirment blasting everything in sight, trying to get out my frustration and anger. Lucuis Malfoy dared to try and harm _my _sister. Not Narcissa, no never his little lap dog, but Andromeda. Sure she was close to be disowned by the family, but she was also one of the few people I was close to. And Lucius Malfoy dared to hurt her....

I growled in frustration and slipped my wand back into my sleeve. Blowing things up wasn't giving me enough satifaction so instead I went for a pillow sitting in the rubble of a nearby couch. I snatched it up and felt the fabric rip beneath my hands. When nothing was left but some black fabric and a lot of feathers I backed up agaisnt a wall and let the tears come. It seemed like forever I sat there crying. Afraid and unsure of what to do...

After a while I was aware of someone in the room. Aware of that someone laying a comforting hand on my shoulder. Aware of me turning and wrapping my arms around their torso, wishing for a safe place. Aware of their soft voice as I fell asleep...

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_I was walking back from Charms when I heard shouting from a nearby corridor. I followed the voices, walking carefuly so I wouldn't be seen, yet when I rounded a corner I saw Malfoy and Andromeda._

_"Whats going on here?!" I ran over in front of Andie so I was in front of Malfoy's wand."Andie?"_

_Malfoy spoke before she could answer."Move aside Bella. I've been instructed by the Dark Lord to remove this blood-traitor from your family."_

_"That's ridiculous, Malfoy!" I sneered."Everyone knows that no one gets into the ranks of Death Eaters until after they've graduated, at the earliest!" By now my wand was also out, and pointed at him, Andie still tucked safely behind me. I might have sounded confident, but on the inside thoughts were swirling around my head. Was Malfoy really in the Dark Lord's ranks as a Death Eater? Did he really order for Andromeda to be killed? _

_"Don't be stupid Bella," he warned me,"you don't want to be on the Dark Lord's bad side. Iv'e seen what he does to people who defy him. Your sister will die, and I don't want to have to kill both of you."_

_"Stay away!" I was slowly moving Andie and me backwards, my wand still pointed at him._

_"Please, Bel-" He broke off suddenly, and put his right hand to his left arm. "Oh Merlin, you did join.." I muttered under my breath._

_"I'll be back for her. You know which side you're on Bella, so let her go." After that he hurried out of the hallway and I asked Andromeda if she was ok, and then sent her back to the Slytherin Dorms. After that I stalked in the direction of the Room of Requirment._

_I wanted to curse Andromeda for falling in love with a Hufflepuff, a mud-blood to make it worse. I wanted to shout at her for acting out on hner feelings. I wanted to hex her for not listening to me when I told her that staying with him would endanger her, and make the family look bad. She didn't listen to a word I said, only told me that she couldn't just stop seeing her Teddy. And now look what had happened...._

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When I stopped crying I was aware that person I had cried on was none other then Severus Snape. Suddenly embarrased, I stood up cast a quick Scougify on my face. When I turned around Severus had gotten up ,and was dusting himself off.

"Hey Sev..." I said weakly. He only glared at me a moment before his gaze became softer.

"Care to explain why I found you sitting in all this", he gestured around the room at all the destroyed items,"crying your eyes out?" Here I froze. Severus was going to join the Death Eaters, the very group that wanted to kill my sister. I may not approve of all Andie's choices, but she is pretty much the only family I _really_ have. Yet I was to join the Death Eaters too. Unless...unless I didn't join them....

"Bella?"

"Uh... I'll tell you later Sev... I really have to go do something." I didn't check to see his reaction, almost running out the door in my haste to leave. I had some huge desicions to make, and they needed to be made before the Christmas Holidays, which were only a few days away. I was going to do anything to save Andromeda, even if it meant switching alliances completely...

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**So there it is, and it's probably horrible but tell me what you think. This story is kind of just writing itself.... I needed something to make Bella **_**really**_** think about where her alliances lie and bringing Andromeda in and making them have a close relationship was the best was to do it.**

**TTFN! - Bellatrix-Black-Forever**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok so i said i wouldn't beg for reviews,but seriously people... 288 hits and 6 reviews. I can't be a better writer if no one tells me how i can make my writing better. On that note im going to thank Jacalyn Hyde, loverofbooks20, Electra de Lioncourt, and vlmck02 for reviewing.**

**Now, on with the chapter-**

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I ran away from Severus towards the Headmaster's office. It didn't register in my mind that he'd been hugging me and giving me comfort, something that Severus dosn't do. The only thing on my mind was Andromeda. She was so quiet, so fragile, a quality not good in a dark family with ties to the Dark Lord. Finally reaching that old, ugly gargoyle, I rested my hands on my knees and tried to catch my breath. After a few seconds I turned towards the large statue.

"Password?"

"I don't know the password! Please, just let me in." It didn't budge. "I need to speak with the Headmaster! Let me in!" Still nothing. I was getting desperate, emotions running high, and I could feel the tears building in me again. I pulled my wand out and pointed it at the gargoyle, preparing to make it into little pieces of crumbling stone.

"I would prefer it if you didn't destroy the school Ms. Black."

I turned, my wand autimaticly directed at the threat. Unfortunately that threat happend to be the throat of one Albus Dumbledore. Not that he seemed disturbed that my wand was at his throat. I had found that the Headmaster was rarely disturbed by anything, he always had that damn _twinkle_ in his eyes. After a few seconds I dropped my wand, suddenly feeling drained and tired.

He turned to the gargoyle, quietly whispering "acid pops" to it. The staircase appeared and he gestured at it. "After you Ms. Black."

I carefully climbed up the staircase and reached the Headmaster's office. Dumbledore swept in behind me and sat at his desk. He motioned for me to sit. After I had seated he remained silent for several moments before talking.

"Lemon drop?"

"No thank you", I said. I wanted to be done with this false politness, but the manners my parents had beat into me remained burned in my mind.

"You are here because of what happend between you sister and Mr. Malfoy." It was a statement, not a question. I tried to cover my shock, but I reminded myself that of course he knew what had happend. He was the great Albus Dumbledore, and he had all the paintings in the school as his spies.

" Yes."

"And what are you going to do?"

I took a deep breath, checking over my plan once again. It was a huge leap and totally unbelievable."Headmaster, I am willing to do anything,_ anything_ to keep my sister safe. I'm asking you to put my sister into protection. Don't let _him_ get her. In return I'll do anything you ask of me."

He stared at me, eyes no longer twinkling. "You want me to place your sister under the protection of the Light?"

"Yes. Andromeda and, if possible, Ted Tonks. I'm afraid if Andie dosn't have that damn boy around she'll go bloody insane."

"Language Ms. Black."

"Sorry Sir."

Dumbledore sighed. He seemed thoughtful for several minutes before he spoke again. "Very well. I will make arrangments for and Mr. Tonks to go into hiding. The States should do nicely..."

"Sir? Would it be ok for this to happen before Christmas break. I mean I know that that's only a week away but..." Here I trailed off. I was afraid if Andie went home for the holidays she might not come back alive, and I didn't want to take any chances.

"Yes that should work."

"Thank you." I breathed out, unaware that I had been holding my breath."And what would you like in return? Money?"

He seemed almost sad before he answered."No, I had something entirely different in mind."

"Yes?"

"I would like you to become a spy for the Order of the Phenoix."

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**Ta da! There is chapter 5. Now I know exactly where this is going and all i have to do is write. For anyone who cares to know, this story will follow most canon events with exceptions of Snape's story line , Dumble's, and, of course, Bella's.**

**-Bellatrix-Black-Forever**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok... So first let me say sorry for not updating sooner. These last few months have been crazy. **

**And now lets clear up a few things. I didn't get a chance to reply to all the reviews, but i read a few and one mentioned confusion about Dumbles refering to "the States". This is the United States of America, so thats where Ted and Andie will be staying for a while. And also regarding Dumbles saying "the protection of the Light". He is talking about bad/good guys. Dark/Light simply refers to what side of the war you're on.**

**Ok! Now that that's done, I posted a HG/SS one shot the other day, kinda fluffy. If you're into that pairing go ahead and check it out. On to the story!**

When I got back to my room I was exuaghsted. Tiredly collapsing on my bed, I tried to let sleep take me, but my mind was swirling with thoughts. I couldn't believe I had just agreed to be a spy. For Dumbledore. I would be going agaisnt all I had ever been taught, all that had ever been beat into me.

But it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. I wasn't about to let Andie die because of a war she wanted no part in. So, I traded my life for hers. Well, not literally, since I wasn't about to go up to the Dark Lord and say 'kill me instead', but as I spy I would probably get found out eventually. I didn't doubt my acting skills. Nor was I in danger of betraying myself with my mind, since my father had drilled occulemcy into me since I was 8. But this was the Dark Lord, the most powerful wizard in the world, not counting Dumbledore. I would be found out.

As I lay on my bed, the thought occured that maybe I would be a double agent. Tell Dumbles I was spying for him, but really spy _on_ him. But if I did that and he found out... I sighed. I wouldn't do that, since I preferred to stay out of Azkaban.

Was I Light or Dark?

I groaned and sat up on the bed. Everything was so confusing. I made my way to the bathroom, splashing cool water on my face in an attempt to clear my head. Catching sight of my reflection in the mirror, I already so the signs of war on my face. I had dark circles under my eyes, making my overall appearence look tired. My eyes had this kind of oldness to them. The kind of oldness where someone has seen something that is forcing them to grow up fast. I had lost weight this year, making my already sharp angles sharper.

Turning off the water, I returned to my bed, praying for sleep to overtake me. This time I did fall asleep, but my dreams were haunted...

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_I was dancing...with Severus. We were in a huge beautiful ballroom, twirling around and around. He said something, something funny I think, because I laughed. Then all the lights turned off, and I tried to move away, but Sev held me close and we kept dancing. I knew something was was wrong, and when I treid to tell Sev he just looked into my eyes. Suddenly I wasn't dancing anymore, and Sev had disappeared. In my hand were two black marbles, the exact shade of his eyes._

_But then the marbles turned red, and I looked up. __**He **__was standing in front of me. He didn't look anything like they said, he didn't even look human. More... snake like. Then he took up my hands, and we started dancing, twirling around and around. He looked into my eyes and I looked into his, a fascinating deep red. Something in my head told me to stop dancing, but I ignored it. _

_I just smiled up at him. At some point I was dimly aware of people around us, throwing curses at each other. But we kept dancing, until a green light hit me in the chest and I fell. But no!... I wanted to keep dancing with __**him**__... I could only watch from the ground as he fell to the ground, lifeless. Then I screamed._

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"Bella! Bella wake up!" Someone was shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes, turning to see Severus staring at me, concern in his eyes. His eyes... dark and obsidian...

"Are you listening to a word im saying?"

"What?" I snapped out of my thoughts."Uh...no. Sorry, I was just thinking.", I said sheepishly.

Sev only rolled his eyes, the corners of his mouth lifting in a trace of a smile."Are you ok?",he asked, worry in his eyes again."You were having a pretty bad nightmare."

"Yeah, im fine",I said as I sat up. Suddenly I was aware that my hair probably looked like a mess, so I grabbed a hair tie from the table beside my bed and put my hair up. "Hey Sev, how did you get in here?"

He froze, and looked like a kid caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar."Yeah, about that...I sort of...have all the passwords for the common rooms...and the Prefect's rooms...and the Professer's rooms...and their offices...and pretty much everywhere else..."

"You what?!" My mind was awake again, turning through the possibilities of pranks we could pull on the school.

Sev only sighed, shaking his head as if reading my thoughts."Don't even think about Bella."

"But Sev-"

"I said no! And no I wont tell you where I got the passwords from either." Then as an after thought," And don't call me Sev!" Oh this was sooooo not fair. " Are you going to tell me about why I found you sobbing in the Room of Requirments?"

My turn to freeze. If Sev really believed in what the Dark Lord was fighting for then I couldn't tell him about Andie. He would just go to the Dark Lord and tell him I was a spy working for Dumbledore. But I couldn't just ask Sev what he believed in because it would seem like I was having doubts, and I needed to be a picture perfect Death Eater starting this summer. I needed a cover story, just hopefully not tonight."Could I just tell you in the morning? I'm really tired..."

Sev stared at me a moment before nodding his head, and turning to leave. As he made it to the door I picked up a pillow and tossed it at his head. "Ow! What was that for!?"

"Don't come in my room without asking!" I shouted as he fled.


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